Posted by: thisiskv | September 5, 2012

Kaveto Tjatjara on Emotions

@thisiskv on Emotions

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Posted by: thisiskv | September 4, 2012

Questions from my heart

“Welcome to Earth, You’re going to feel pain. Something bad is going to happen to you. Your heart is going to be broken. You are going to die. You might never fulfill your dreams. Your soul is not happy about it. It’s nobody’s fault. I’m really sorry you are going through it. But it’s ok to feel the pain right now. Don’t try to prevent it by drinking or doing something worse to escape from it. Love Kaveto” – This should be the note I leave for myself when I die and then come back again.

Some of the reasons I haven’t written a new post lately is because we’ve been working on my VISA to Austria/Germany for the last two months and my whole heart is in this. Also, I have so many questions in my heart about so many different things that I can’t seem to develop a post that will make sense. So if you want to read something well written read some of my other posts. If you are not ready for these questions don’t continue reading… You’ve been warned.

A)    I have questions in my heart for God. Sometimes I doubt if He is fair. Things just don’t add up and I feel afraid again. This doesn’t mean I lost my love for Jesus. It just means I’m human and sometimes I lose hope.

B)    Sometimes I feel like giving up. Why do we still love? It’s hard enough already just dealing with life. Sometimes it is hard being a black man. Is this a white men’s world? There is just something not right about this world. So many times, when my heart gets burned by listening to it, I’m tempted to go back into the place where there was no feeling. Where I stopped listening to my heart’s voice about dreams. It seems safer there. It’s less painful to listen to my heart’s voice about its hope. You can’t get disappointed. But there, in the dark corners where the heart is hiding, you cannot feel love either, you cannot live a fulfilling life, and I walk to the light instead.

C)   If you have ever been in love, you know how to cry. Why would God let us meet? And then plant this great passion for each other if He did not have a greater purpose for us? Now I’m back to square one again and it is hardest at these moments to pick myself up and carry on. The inconsistencies in my faith and the questions that constantly run through my mind seem too much to bear sometimes.

This is how my heart looks like

As C.S. Lewis suggests “There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy[pain], or at least to the risk of tragedy[pain], is damnation[………]. The only place outside heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is hell

D)    I don’t feel I am where I belong. I’m sorry mom; I said I would make it big and buy you a nice home. I haven’t yet and I feel upset… Not a moment goes by that I don’t pray to God for my big break. “Please God, am begging you. Don’t let me live a life of poverty. Stuck begging people for help”. I feel like I had it all and now it’s lost. Who must I know? Where should I go? Or am I just another crab in a bucket.

E)    Let’s face it, we can’t change the past. We can’t go back in the past and fix things. I can’t go back to that moment when I was a child, and all of life was in front of me before everything changed. If only that one moment could’ve lasted forever. Please let me go back in time right now to that moment.

So what do I do?

  1. I can complain and be angry about what I perceive as “bad” things, but that won’t make them disappear from my life. They are part of life and I can’t change that.
  2. Do they serve to bring me to a place where I wouldn’t have been without going through them?

I’m no longer scared. When you feel like you have been knocked down and your entire manhood is being stripped from you. There’s nothing more to lose and you start feeling free. Time to regain the spirit I had before and give this my all. After all, am happy with what I have achieved thus far in my life.

So there you have it. A little picture of what’s going on in my mind today. Everything else has to do with university forms, my sister, keeping up with friends, emails that need to be attended to. Financial stuff and what to do about it, when I’m going to move out of this house. The desire to bring winter back, close friends that have been generous to me and how I wish I could pay them back with something special. It’s just another day in paradise 😉

Posted by: thisiskv | August 7, 2012

How to make it in Namibia [Part 1].

 

I remember when I first found out Superman wasn’t real, that Superman didn’t exist; I broke down crying because my heart knew that there was no one coming to rescue us. No matter what, no matter where, Superman always came to the rescue.

I remember a story about a man who worked day and night so that his daughter could finish her degree in sociology. She managed to finish university, and after knocking on many doors she finally found a job working as a secretary in a cement company. Even so, her father always said with pride: “My daughter has a university degree.

I hate this world. I hate the government. I hate school because the teachers expected me to sit still and to pretend to be interested. But Education is the key to make it out of this hole.

I was born in one of the poorest regions in Namibia. My parents moved to Rundu with the intention of creating a better life for my family. My work ethic was instilled in my sister and me at an early age. I can remember my dad waking me up on Saturdays at 6am and we would have to work in the garden. I hated it! I would always wonder which episode of Power Rangers I was missing. My dad would always talk about how important it is to work hard for what you want and that I should stop being lazy. Now that I’m older, I’m convinced that having a winning work ethic is the key to great accomplishments.

I’m thankful for being born just when Independence was coming because Apartheid was a system built on separating people and installing deep levels of fear. I’m thankful that my parents took the opportunity of Independence to send me to all the “white schools” they could afford because they opened doors for me.

I’m sorry if I ever let you down. I’m sorry if I lost focus in my first two years at university. I’m sorry if I can’t help you right now.

But I want to make a difference and I want to give you something. This something is “Hope”. “Never give up”. This is very important in life. In everything that you do. It is the single best advice I have ever received. No matter how bad things are now, things will always get better. So far as we know, you only live once, and there’s almost nothing more worth fighting for than to figure out your personal calling—not what you’ve been told you are by your parents or teachers, but what you’re called to be—and then pursuing it even if it takes you to the ends of the earth and to the end of your own life. As Steven Pressfield  says Our job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who we already are and become it. If we were born to paint, it’s our job to become a painter. If we were born to overthrow the order of ignorance and injustice of the world, it’s our job to realize it and get down to business.”

Finally, there’s a saying that right before you die, your whole life flashes before you and right then you realize what your calling in this life was. When I run out of time, I want to have done what I was supposed to do. It will be very hard. We will make a million mistakes, have a million things we will regret and we will pay for them all, one way or another. But regrets don’t come from following our hearts into or out of intimacy, no matter the pain involved, but because of fear, we don’t enter or leave when we should. Regrets have come when fear kept me from my heart. Deep down, your heart already knows what you want, what you are supposed to be. But maybe we have stopped listening to our hearts. The voice is lost among a cloud of fear. But try and listen, it is still alive. It is still beating. Listen, get up and start running towards your dreams.

Live from the heart

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Posted by: thisiskv | July 31, 2012

25 Random facts about Kaveto…

 

 

1) When I was a kid I wished I had SUPER Powers. (I still do =) ).

2) When I was 16 I taught myself to drive a car.

3) I love pets but my dog Zowie will always be my favourite.

4) I always considerd Zowie as my little brother.

5) Till this day I have never been drunk before.

6) I enjoy learning new skills and constantly take on new hobbies.

7) I’m in love with an amazing girl who is like my best friend. You know who you are =) !

8) My current mission in life is to full fill my personal calling and save the world from boring people.

9) I want to write a book.

10) I had piercings but my sister did not approve!

11) I used to have a huge crush on one of my facebook friends but now I can laugh about it.

12) I love all Fifa games.

13) When I was a kid I wanted to grow up and become a doctor. My mom was a nurse and when my dad would attend meetings out of town, I would sleep over at the hospital.

14) In the last 4 years I have made a list of things I want to achieve. I’m only missing afew goals of the list, and I plan to achieve them by end of 2014.

15) After I make my 1st million, I wont forget to send a thank you note to my good friends Phill and Drew.

16) Most of my success has come from “Faith”. “Faith it till you make”.

17) By the time I was 13, I had lost both my parents.

18) Over the years I have learned that good family is hard to find. Thankfully I’ve managed to find them and I love them alot.

19) One of my biggest fears was love. I used to push those who love me the most away because my Father fell into deep depression after my mom died.

20) I consider Romanus to be my mentor in the field of academics.

21) I don’t take too many things seriously, so I’m always up for adventure.

22) Currently my favourite toy is my Playstation 3.

23) Blue is one of my favourite colours.

24) I believe that I’m already a whole person. I don’t need a girl to complete me; just one to compliment me and enhance my life.

25) I want to change the world by adding value to it with my gifts and talents.

Posted by: thisiskv | July 26, 2012

Short story: The gift of insults

Near Tokyo lived a great Samurai warrior, now old, who decided to teach Zen Buddhism to young people. In spite of his age, the legend was that he could defeat any adversary.

One afternoon, a warrior – known for his complete lack of scruples – arrived there. He was famous for using techniques of provocation: he waited until his adversary made the first move and, being gifted with an enviable intelligence in order to repair any mistakes made, he counterattacked with fulminating speed.

The young and impatient warrior had never lost a fight. Hearing of the Samurai’s reputation, he had come to defeat him, and increase his fame.

All the students were against the idea, but the old man accepted the challenge.

All gathered on the town square, and the young man started insulting the old master. He threw a few rocks in his direction, spat in his face, shouted every insult under the sun – he even insulted his ancestors. For hours, he did everything to provoke him, but the old man remained impassive. At the end of the afternoon, by now feeling exhausted and humiliated, the impetuous warrior left.

Disappointed by the fact that the master had received so many insults and provocations, the students asked:

– How could you bear such indignity? Why didn’t you use your sword, even knowing you might lose the fight, instead of displaying your cowardice in front of us all?

– If someone comes to you with a gift, and you do not accept it, who does the gift belong to? – asked the Samurai.

– He who tried to deliver it – replied one of his disciples.

– The same goes for envy, anger and insults – said the master. – When they are not accepted, they continue to belong to the one who carried them.

Posted by: thisiskv | July 11, 2012

@thisiskv The Documentary [Trailer 2012]

A trailer for my documentary @thisiskv.

Posted by: thisiskv | June 17, 2012

The Brave heart part 2

Writers note:  This post is dedicated to my big sister Anghi. My Aunt Christine, a woman who is gracious and humble. She has been supportive and worked behind the scenes to make things happen in my life. To Annika and my cousin Monica.   Sincerely Kaveto .  

It was a hot Sunday afternoon and my mother was moving around quickly in the kitchen busily making lunch. I was in the sitting-room playing Fifa ’96 on my TV game. Suddenly there was an almighty crash in the kitchen as a heap of plates toppled over and shattered on the hard floor. I immediately jumped up and ran through to the kitchen shouting, “It wasn’t me! It wasn’t me!”. My Life often starts by healing guilty consciences.

The Brave heart part 2 

The journey to healing for most of us has begun a lifelong process. A journey of entering the dark rooms in our hearts and throwing out all those false ideas not based on truth that keeps pulling us back. That ongoing war and the constant attacks on our hearts. You could be laying there on the floor, your heart has been broken, and you’ve been let down too many times. But you just lay there, not moving at all. Your heart’s there as well, laying on the floor next to you. Broken into a million pieces and then you stand up. You walk away from it all…heartless!

I wish I could jump back in time. I look at her early twenties and I hurt for the young lady that was confused and alone. Whose heart was trampled on. The many needless heart-wounds, just trying to fit in and be acceptable. When we give our best efforts and end up broken anyways. I wish I could jump back in time and tell her to forget the conflicting voices of men and follow God from the very beginning. That her heart wasn’t “evil” or “rebellious” and her desires weren’t “fleshly”. That she needed to find out what was true about herself from God alone, not men.

Maybe I could jump back to the beautiful girl who was hiding her heart behind high walls; built to keep the evil world and influences out that her heart no longer had life.

I would tell her what Darcy said “that telling yourself that the way you dress is more godly, more pure, that you’re better than they [are] and God loves you more for dressing unattractively. Trying to stuff the pain that comes from being ashamed of your beauty and the evil it causes the poor men around you. Trying to tell yourself that this is your lot in life. Trying not to look longingly at the pretty things that you can never wear. Trying not to wonder what it would be like to feel cute for a change. Using pride as a wall to protect your hurting heart. And feeling guilty for it all. I was you once”

And when her efforts to attain the “Proverbs 31 woman” fail, and she is suddenly faced with a limit—that she is not perfect. That she doesn’t have everything under control. When her heart is bruised and delicate; and her heart can no longer endure so it wants to close off…. Keeping fighting braveheart.

And if I am captured and The Enemy attacks my heart, he will attack your beauty and your heart. But you are strong braveheart girl. Grab your sword and fight for us. Because In the end, we will be alright. We may be struggling now, but in the end we will be alright. We are not perfect, some more broken than others ,maybe not where we would like to be. But we are on a journey and in the end we will get there. As long as we never stop moving forward, never stop dreaming and never give up, we will be alright.

Click here for  Part 1

Posted by: thisiskv | June 10, 2012

“Dependency Syndrome…”

Dependency syndrome: is the crippling of the mind where you depend on others to make things happen in your life. No one can completely live without the help of others. A CEO depends on his employees to make the company profitable. This is normal and healthy. The dependency syndrome on the other hand is a disease!

In early 2001, I invited Peter Gunning to my house for lunch. It was a nice, sunny afternoon and the skies were blue with few white clouds. It was a big occasion for me because I had finally invited my best friend for lunch to my house. He asked me “what’s for lunch?” and I replied “a lekker African meal.” It was the usual meal I had eaten for the past 10 years of my life and honestly I was not a big fan of it unless I was really hungry. But then again, most foods taste very good if you’re starving. Our Maid brought the meal out for us. She walked hurriedly outside, one foot in front of the other, with her hands full. In her left arm was a red metal dish with white stripes. It contained the meat and the stew. In her other arm was a blue bowl containing water to wash our hands and another plate on top of it with the porridge. As she put the plates down on the floor, my face was filled with delight to hear what Peter’s response would be. We said grace and he was ready to eat until he said “why are all this other people eating of the same plate as me!?”

My 1st Observation: White people eat on their own plates from an early age. Africans don’t do things on their own; they depend on the government, on their leaders, on everybody but themselves.

But how did this happen? We are known to be a people of Great Spirit.

Apartheid was one of the cruellest systems known to man. It was designed in every detail to destroy a person’s spirit. It did so by separating people so they could not form any unity. And thus heighten a lot of the differences between them. It used constant threats and fear to break any sense of free will, and it made sure that blacks were kept illiterate and ignorant. In 1995 as a young missionary and his wife, Uncle Paul moved to a small village in the North eastern region of Namibia to be among the hambukushu people. He experienced some of the devastating effects that the Apartheid system had on the people. They were to form the lowest opinions of themselves. He recalls a class session with his language instructor saying “I have a small brain and I am stupid.” Of course to Paul’s surprise he asked “who told you that?” His language instructor replied “the white men! The white men told us we have small brains. That’s why I wear a small hat!”

23 years ago a man of colour was not allowed to fend for himself or give full rein to his ambition. There is power behind taking action towards your goals, it reinforces positive mental attitudes.

Present day

We are not going to accept what we accepted in the past but we face a different kind of dependency syndrome where we are scared and tired of the grind. Where we depend on comfort and the security of a paycheck. Maybe this will become the pattern of my life— afraid of life’s challenges; I will come to depend on the help of others. This might go on for several years, but a day will come when there are no more jobs and I have forgotten how to fend for myself.

This is not the life for me. I’m getting out of this house and embarking on the limitless journey….

~Kaveto

 

 

Posted by: thisiskv | May 30, 2012

Why am leaving Namibia and the limitless voyage…

 The Call to Adventure
The call to adventure is the point in a person’s life when they are first given notice that everything is going to change, whether they know it or not.

I was 9 years old, standing across the river in Rundu as the sun was setting and looking beyond Angola and wondering where America was because I wanted to live there one day. The time was about 16:47 so I had to run home before my dad got back from work to find me doing my homework.

During dinner time, my mind was thinking of all the adventures I could have that I began playing with my food. The look on mother’s face wanted to say You shouldn’t waste your food when there are children in Africa starving but she couldn’t say that cause we were living in Africa so instead she said “Stop it and eat your food”.

Refusal/Acceptance of the Call
Often when the call is given, the future hero refuses to heed it. This may be from a sense of duty or obligation, fear, insecurity, a sense of inadequacy, or any of a range of reasons that work to hold the person in his or her current circumstances.

When I think of travelling, it’s somehow related to the excitement of running into someone from your hometown on the other side of the world. You might have ignored him back home or dismissed him with a “what’s up dude” and walk away but now we’ll be flung into each other’s arms by the power of meeting unexpectedly far from home.

My home is beautiful and I have fond memories of her.  I’m thinking of the jokes we shared together and all the times people went protesting and striking. Toy-toying and marching are deeply rooted in South Africa and Namibia’s national identity. I got more holidays from students or employees going on strikes than the national holidays combined! Maybe if you tune in to SABC you can still watch the strike going on in Jo burg. This is what makes home memorable for me.

Not forgetting where I am from. I am packing my bag and going on the long-dreamed-of  adventure.  There is a poem by Konstantinos Petrou Kavafis that best describes how I feel :

Keep [Rundu] always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you’re destined for.
But don’t hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you’re old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you’ve gained on the way,
not expecting [Rundu] to make you rich.

[Rundu] gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you wouldn’t have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.
And if you find her poor, [Rundu] won’t have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
and this is the meaning of [Rundu].

Supernatural Aid
Once the hero has committed to the quest, consciously or unconsciously, his or her guide and helper appears, or becomes known.

The places that look attractive to me now are Austria, Argentina, Germany and Thailand. But the mountain looks big and I have to raise 600 Euros to climb it. By God’s grace I should be able to pay back or raise this amount and be debt free again.

I take it literal when people say “life is a journey and what matters most is the way we travel and not to where we are heading to!”  I will be writing articles about the different cultures and my experience while teaching at a Language school. If you’re interested in reading more about my travel blogs or would like to support me, contact me and find out more about my plan.

When Annika explained to me where Austria is, this is where I thought it was 🙂

 

 

 

 

The art of learning German. What I learned in 3 months of learning to speak German and the different ways I have applied it to my life.

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