Posted by: thisiskv | September 10, 2014

“Keeping Up With Kaveto”

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She was going to die and it was my fault. There was nothing I could do to save her. I woke up franticly that day. I ran to the sitting room where we had the clock on the wall. I could see my sister in the kitchen doing the dishes. I asked what time it was, “Past 10” she said. I missed it.

My world crashed before me and I tried to pick up the pieces. I was confused. The early morning church service was at 7. I missed it. The 9 o’clock service was already in progress. I could run there but it would take me an hour. I was too late. I prayed to God to save my mother’s life if I went to church. I wasn’t going to make it and she was going to die…

She died three days later. I was 12 years old.

 

You remember that moment when it couldn’t get any worse? Your life felt like it was over. You had nothing to live for. But you tried to sell yourself that, “it can’t get worse”.

 

And it got worse!

 

I tried one last time and I lost. I just needed this one time to work but it didn’t…. I failed my exams, I lost my scholarship and I was broke.

You see, somewhere along the line I learned that people only care about their own children.

I left. Money lost. Job gone. People hate. Friends abandon. Nothing left. You can’t get it back.

But the pain for me only lasts for a split second. After that I kill it. So I don’t feel it.

 

The twins told me “All things cycle. Don’t worry. You’ll come back.”

You read books. It’s fake. It’s an illusion. Positive thinking. We create our reality? Right? But you’re STUCK. This is the reality. You can’t change it. The books are BS.

I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t move. I was in a black hole.

Others went to private schools.

I went to a government school.

I was in Cape Town for three years.

You never came to visit.

You did everything for the others.

I had to do everything for myself.

And when help was offered, I was reminded that I would need to pay it.

That is not wrong.

I did a lot of things wrong.

We gave you a little help, now you need more already

Then you said he is my son and went away on holiday.

I was alone.

This is why I’ll be gone for a long time.

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Responses

  1. Yo KV, you are a man of valor bro!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I love you you brother-man, and thank you for being a part of my life!


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