Posted by: thisiskv | June 10, 2012

“Dependency Syndrome…”

Dependency syndrome: is the crippling of the mind where you depend on others to make things happen in your life. No one can completely live without the help of others. A CEO depends on his employees to make the company profitable. This is normal and healthy. The dependency syndrome on the other hand is a disease!

In early 2001, I invited Peter Gunning to my house for lunch. It was a nice, sunny afternoon and the skies were blue with few white clouds. It was a big occasion for me because I had finally invited my best friend for lunch to my house. He asked me “what’s for lunch?” and I replied “a lekker African meal.” It was the usual meal I had eaten for the past 10 years of my life and honestly I was not a big fan of it unless I was really hungry. But then again, most foods taste very good if you’re starving. Our Maid brought the meal out for us. She walked hurriedly outside, one foot in front of the other, with her hands full. In her left arm was a red metal dish with white stripes. It contained the meat and the stew. In her other arm was a blue bowl containing water to wash our hands and another plate on top of it with the porridge. As she put the plates down on the floor, my face was filled with delight to hear what Peter’s response would be. We said grace and he was ready to eat until he said “why are all this other people eating of the same plate as me!?”

My 1st Observation: White people eat on their own plates from an early age. Africans don’t do things on their own; they depend on the government, on their leaders, on everybody but themselves.

But how did this happen? We are known to be a people of Great Spirit.

Apartheid was one of the cruellest systems known to man. It was designed in every detail to destroy a person’s spirit. It did so by separating people so they could not form any unity. And thus heighten a lot of the differences between them. It used constant threats and fear to break any sense of free will, and it made sure that blacks were kept illiterate and ignorant. In 1995 as a young missionary and his wife, Uncle Paul moved to a small village in the North eastern region of Namibia to be among the hambukushu people. He experienced some of the devastating effects that the Apartheid system had on the people. They were to form the lowest opinions of themselves. He recalls a class session with his language instructor saying “I have a small brain and I am stupid.” Of course to Paul’s surprise he asked “who told you that?” His language instructor replied “the white men! The white men told us we have small brains. That’s why I wear a small hat!”

23 years ago a man of colour was not allowed to fend for himself or give full rein to his ambition. There is power behind taking action towards your goals, it reinforces positive mental attitudes.

Present day

We are not going to accept what we accepted in the past but we face a different kind of dependency syndrome where we are scared and tired of the grind. Where we depend on comfort and the security of a paycheck. Maybe this will become the pattern of my life— afraid of life’s challenges; I will come to depend on the help of others. This might go on for several years, but a day will come when there are no more jobs and I have forgotten how to fend for myself.

This is not the life for me. I’m getting out of this house and embarking on the limitless journey….






  1. I love this. It’s as though unity is ingrained in our DNA. Without it there’s devastation. Great post!

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